Lucy's arrival

Unexpected Plans

Jessica and I went in for her scheduled amniotic reduction on Tuesday, October 1st.  They always begin with an ultrasound, this time measuring only for the severity of the polyhydramnios.  The previous week, the measurements were 32cm, where 20 is normal, and anything above 25 is considered high.  On this day, she measured 45cm.  Dr. Rose came in to discuss the results of the ultrasound and the planned amniotic reduction.  She was extremely concerned about the severity of the condition and the effects of this condition on Jessica's health.  Her fear was that Jessica would go into labor and instead of having a birth where everything was scheduled and planned, it would be an emergency and none of our goals would be able to be accommodated.  I wouldn't be allowed in the OR, the risk to Lucy would be much higher, and worst of all, they could be fighting to save Jessica's life.

After much discussion, we agreed with her assessment that Lucy would need to be delivered that day or the following day.  We also discussed our delivery plan, which she was aware of.  She knew the NICU had a copy of it, but would follow up with the doctors that would be there to make sure they understood our desires for how any difficulties would be handled.  We wanted to be able to spend a day or two with Lucy if possible, however we had been told that even with intubation, there was a good likelihood that Lucy's lungs wouldn't be developed enough to allow her to receive the oxygen she needed.  Our desire was that she be intubated, but if that didn't work that no other heroic efforts would be made.  No chest compressions, chest tubes or other lifesaving measures.  If they couldn't stabilize her, they were to bring her back to the operating room so we could spend whatever short time we could have with her.

We went upstairs and visited with Dr. Kaelberer who agreed with her assessment and told us our options were for her to be born that day at 4:30 pm, or we could come in the next day at 5:00 am for delivery at 6:30 am.  We asked him to see if there was any other option for Wednesday.  Thursday was too late, but we wanted a little more time to prepare.  He sent us home and told us we would receive a call letting us know what was available.  We went home, I did some final packing while Jessica tried to spend time with the kids.  When they called, we were told Wednesday was fully scheduled and while we did have the early morning option, if there were any emergencies, we would be bumped, so we decided to go ahead and have her delivered that day.

I called my parents and asked them to be there, and we asked Jessica's mother and sister to bring Joseph and Rachel to the hospital after Joey woke from his nap.  We arrived at the hospital at 3:00, got admitted, and settled into a room.  The nurse came in and as usual, asked many, many questions as they were preparing for Lucy's arrival.  I inquired if it would be possible for my dad to be admitted to the operating room to be on standby in case they were unable to do anything for Lucy, to assist in giving Lucy her a blessing.  I was told that he wouldn't be able to be there for the whole procedure, but may be able to be on standby to be admitted if needed, but it would be up to the doctor as normally the only non-medical personnel admitted is the father.  Fortunately, they were very understanding and permission was granted.  Before I knew it, we I was suiting up and helping my dad do the same and then Jessica and I were headed to the OR.

One of Jessica's least favorite parts of the whole procedure is having the spinal block inserted.  When Elizabeth was born, the anesthesiologist had to try inserting the block 8 different times over 30 minutes before he was successful.  It was a truly traumatizing event and causes great fear each time it needs to happen.  We were relieved to learn that Dr. Rigby was the anesthesiologist on duty.  He was the anesthesiologist who did the block when Joseph was born.  He did it in one attempt, so we were hoping for the best.  He did only have to insert the needle one time, but it took a long time, and a lot of manipulation to get it in the right spot.  For several minutes, it was very painful for Jessica, but soon enough it was complete and they began the rest of the preparations for the c-section.

I've been in the OR for our previous 3 children's birth's, and was quite familiar with the procedures, and how long it takes before they are able to get to the baby.  However, this time was very quick.  Before I knew it, the membrane's had been cut and all the amniotic fluid was being suctioned out.  I was told I could look and being slightly unprepared, they already had Lucy out and ready to be handed through the window to the NICU.  They gave me a moment to take a few pictures and then she was off.  I remained with Jessica, hoping and praying that Lucy was doing okay.  After about 10 minutes or so, I asked if there was a way they could check with the NICU to see how Lucy was doing.  Someone in the room indicated that it was likely a good sign that we hadn't heard from them.  I had about 5 seconds of relief before the nurse poked her head back and said they were returning her.  Of course that meant that they were either unable to get the breathing tube in, or that her lungs were not mature enough to provide enough oxygen to sustain her life.  I hadn't really cried since the day it was confirmed she had this condition.  All the emotion I had been retaining came out as quickly as it could.  I couldn't breathe.  I couldn't speak.  My eyes burned as tears rolled down my face.  They brought Lucy in and handed her to me (Jessica's arms were strapped to the table).  Her eyes were closed and she looked so peaceful.  My dad was admitted to the OR and gave her a wonderful blessing as I was unable to do so.  I did my best to hold Lucy in a way that Jessica would be able to see her.  It was heartbreaking to know that she would be fading quickly and her heart would stop.  The head NICU doctor came in behind me and indicated that they were able to get the tube in, but that even at high pressure she was not absorbing oxygen and she was sorry they couldn't do more for her. 

Dr. Kaelberer completed Jessica's surgery and they prepared to be able to move her into recovery.  The nurse came over to check Lucy and indicated that while faint and slow, she did have a heartbeat.  Lucy was handed to Jessica as they wheeled her into the room.  We were met by many family members, but were especially excited to see Rachel and Joseph.  We also had on hand a wonderful neighbor who is a photographer ready to take pictures in the precious little time we had.  We quickly gathered Joey and Rachel and had them spend as much time beside mom and Lucy as possible.  They were both so excited to see their baby sister.  Rachel had a smile like I've never seen, and Joey was absolutely fascinated with her.  He kept calling her "my baby" and would rub her head and put his finger on various parts of her face naming each part.  She was never able to open her eyes, nor respond, yet it was so wonderful that they were able to spend time with her.  We have some wonderful family pictures with 3 of our living children. 

At 6:50, a short 48 minutes after she was born, the nurse checked Lucy after we excused our children from our room and found that her heart had stopped.  We had a wonderful opportunity to visit and hold Lucy without any tubes or other scary things attached to her. 

Another small blessing we received is that while the anesthesia is wearing off from the spinal block, most women shake pretty hard.  Jessica has done this with every previous delivery. However, this time, she didn't move at all.  We were concerned about having the kids in during recovery that seeing that might frighten them.  After all, it had frightened me when I saw it the first time, so it was truly a blessing that Joey and Rachel could visit with Jessica in such a peaceful manner.

All in all, while we don't understand all the reasons we have been asked to bring two children into this world only to give them back quickly, we have been very blessed.  We have two amazing, beautiful, intelligent children here on earth, and two equally amazing celestial spirits looking out for us.  We have been shown so much love by countless family, friends, and even those we don't know.  We are so very grateful for the support we have received.  There will be many hard days ahead for sure, but our faith in our Heavenly Father and His love, and the love from our family and friends will certainly see us through.

Lucy Danielle Goodwin
Born October 1, 2013 at 6:02 PM
3 pounds 12 ounces
14 inches long
Passed away October 1, 2013 at 6:50 PM