It is exciting and crazy to reach this milestone. We are officially in the final trimester! As thrilled as I am to be closing in on the final days of this pregnancy, I realize I am terrified. I feel like I am picking up speed -- hurdling towards a brick wall. Sometime between now and Thanksgiving I will undergo surgery. I had a full panic attack when I walked into the O.R. prepping for Joey's arrival. But I was able to cling to a knowledge that I'd have a little baby boy coming home with me. That gave me the grounding I needed to make it through. I have no such guarantee this time. The uncertainty already envelops me in fear and pain. There is no guarantee Lucy will arrive safely into this world. We will probably have Rachel and Joey at the hospital so they can meet her. What if they don't get to? What if the sight of their mother, post surgery, scares them? Is there going to be a funeral to attend when I leave the hospital?
We are trying to focus on taking things one day at a time. I am trying to rejoice in the experience of loving this sweetheart in my belly. She kicks so hard you'd think she was perfect and healthy. She IS perfect. I love her more each and every day.
I realize it's been a while since I've updated you. So, this is what we know...
- Lucy has the gene for Campomelic Dysplasia.
- Her life expectancy is most likely measured in days.
- There is no way of knowing the extent of her illness until she arrives.
- We do not know, nor do we care, who is the carrier of the gene.
Do you have questions? I'm happy to answer. Just leave a comment.
I love reading your posts. I love the faith and strength you display in your words. I am grateful for the plan of salvation and to know that your sweet daughters get to perform the most valiant of missions and be yours forever!
ReplyDeleteShe is perfect, and lucky to have you as her mother.
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